xxnotabunnyxx

So, I'm dating the best guy ever. The guy everyone wants to be with has actually chosen to be with me. Insane? I thought so. 
He's been the sweetest guy ever. He never said anything he didn't mean. He doesn't tell me lies or anything. But...I don't know how he feels about me. At all. =[ Simply because he never tells me anything. He talks about it with my best friend, constantly hinting that he likes me a lot. But then he turns around and says the exact opposite to someone else. I'm not at all sure if I'm being played or what. Okay, so I'm defintately being played. Haha. He cheated on me... Just once so far. I'm hoping he doesn't do it again, ever. I need to talk to him about it. Big Time. I planned to this morning but I saw him and my knees went weak, and I couldn't breathe, and I totally forgot about everything that had happened. Everything about him makes me so happy, but not the cheating thing. 
When I found out about it, I couldn't breathe. It felt like everything was pushing in on me all at once, and the room was spinning. My older brother saw him and another girl during lunch, which apparently they have together. I had had the feeling before that he might not be totally faithful, but I was trusting him with so much. :( He doesn't realize how much I trust him, he honestly doesn't. Isn't that at least a little bit sad? He thinks everyone's playing mind games, but he is too. He doesn't tell me things out-right, even though I tell him things straightup. It kind of makes me sad that he thinks so badly of others. 
I already know that we can make it through anything that happens, but I'll need to talk to him about it. I planned out exactly what I would say. But I just can't remember things when he just looks so happy to see me, and wraps his arms around me and kisses me. I can't remember that I need to go to classes when we walk towards our classrooms, and when we linger outside the door for a few more hugs and kisses. Our goodbyes are so long, it's like we'll never see each other again. Ha. Then I'll remember that I need to talk to him and remind myself over and over during class and then seeing him. It happens all over again. I can never breathe around him, my heart stops and skips and thuds and skids around all over the place. When he jokingly says he doesn't care about me, it breaks my heart and I can't speak. I know I don't deserve this, but I can't help myself. He's the only guy I can pay attention to and not get bored. He's the only guy I want to hold hands with. He's the only guy I want to hug and kiss. He's the only guy I want. And it's unbearable.
I almost wish I knew how to break up with him. I wouldn't be able to anyhow. He's the only person I'm willing to go through this for. Lovely, huh? The one guy I could see myself with, doesn't care about me. Not in the least.

Posted in Boy/Girl Troubles :/